Illustration © Kyle Webster, http://www.kyletwebster.com
In his book "The War of Art" Stephen Pressfield says
“The more important a call or action to our soul’s evolution, the more Resistance we will feel toward pursuing it.”
You have Dreams, a Vision for your future, maybe even a Vision for the future and how you might play a role.
Pressfield applies his label, capital "R" Resistance, to what gets in the way. Some call it "life happening" (which we will debunk in a future post) and all the things stop or slow you from pursuing everything from YOUR capital "D" Dreams to daily to-do lists.
Like the pieces of the puzzle, trying to hold you in place, or the Idea Assassin, trying to crush your will to create, Resistance shows up in many forms.
Have you ever woken up and realized you had a goal years ago and assumed you would work towards it and… haven’t? That’s Resistance at work.
What’s tricky is that Resistance can hide. Resistance builds itself into your habits and routines, your daily life, your environment and influences. Resistance can cloud your vision and purpose, it can convince you that it’s easier to take a safer path.
That said, I don’t agree with those who say you have to _overcome_ Resistance.
Growth REQUIRES Resistance and you must work with it.
I will show you how to work WITH Resistance, why you might even want to CREATE Resistance, and how to use it as the key element for your own growth.
IS ALL RESISTANCE OUT TO GET YOU?
I think it's weird to apply human intent to forces of the Universe, so, no, Resistance doesn't care about your feelings and it does so with complete equanimity.🙂
That said, there are two kinds of Resistance, and for simplicity's sake let's call these:
Constructive Resistance
Destructive Resistance
True growth does not just require Resistance, it requires Constructive Resistance.
(Insert a platitude here about no light without darkness.)
FIRST
Let's look at some examples of Constructive Resistance.
Exercise. If you want bigger changes, you add resistance (the actual name) in the form of weight (volume) or reps (frequency). I think we all understand this, let's move on.
Art. I've been teaching art for well over a decade, and with hundreds of data points I can tell you that if you want to increase skill, you have to push against the Resistance of your existing life, schedule, and limiting beliefs.
You DON'T have to give up your life, or your art, and the tool at the end will help you find that balance.
Writing. Also an art, with the same Resistance. One of my coaches told me to write Morning pages. "That's not me" was my huge limiting belief that was also my Resistance. I finally found a way to allow it into my life, and here is my third published weekly article.
I use the term "allowing" intentionally. Framing this as something to allow or integrate, as opposed to battling, very clearly shows up in all aspects of my life: coaching, parenting, art, and jiu jitsu. When you accept and integrate the Resistance of an opponent, it becomes easier to flow and grow.
Relationships. Having someone push on your beliefs, or comfort zones, causes you to commit to growth in one direction or another. Have you ever had an emotionally tough breakup, and found yourself making better choices with your next romantic partner, or friend? Additionally, within my own long-term relationships, romantic and otherwise, the best ones have been with people who have pushed me to get clear on my values and commitments.
Accountability. Resistance alwasys shows up when you need to take ownership, make an apology, and amends. The desire to look good, the desire to not be wrong, to not look stupid, the desire to really have everyone understand your intentions were perfect, and more than anything the desire to not contradict your own vision of your ideal self: ALL of that and more gets in the way of owning when your actions caused anything but joy.
Growth requires Constructive Resistance.
SECOND, DESTRUCTIVE RESISTANCE
There are actually two kinds of Destructive Resistance. The first kind is the kind that feels easy, even harmless, but they rob you of a growth opportunity and that is an opportunity lost. The second is the kind that actively works against your growth by sucking up your time, attention, and effort.
Here are examples of Resistance in the form of "easy ways out" that are really missed opportunities and erode your potential.
Quitting before you start
Telling yourself you did nothing wrong
Not seeking feedback on what you could improve
Choosing "comfort over courage"
(from Brené Brown's "Dare to Lead")
Not exploring your goals and dreams
Not sharing these goals and dreams with anyone
Playing small and only doing the things you do well
Distraction, in various forms
And here are some that actively work against you in ways that don't allow growth through the struggle.
Too much weight
Too many demands on your time
Too much energy and work into a friendship with nothing back
Too much criticism and not enough constructive feedback
Too many submissions to distraction
Too much energy into something, with little coming back
Too much out of balance
So we have Constructive and Destructive Resistance.
OK, SO WHAT DO YOU DO?
The ideal outcome for our exercise below is to identify and name our Resistance, protect Constructive Resistance, and move the other kinds along and away.
USE IT
In the above examples, you can see how using Resistance leads to growth. The tool below will help you see where you can and should do that with your own Resistance.
LOSE IT
You do have to pick your battles. Pressfield makes an aggressive case for fighting Resistance. He calls it a War and paints a picture of a relentless slog, a battle of constant vigilance.
Nobody wins at war. While you may find your voice, identity, and soul by buckling down and going all cylinders, you also want to be careful you don't burn out and throw it all away in the process.
The key to working with Resistance is making it sustainable.
THE TOOL : DESIGNING SUSTAINABLE RESISTANCE
This is a similar exercise to the Puzzle of You, except in this exercise you're LOOKING for places that push on your shape. The key is to find the things that push on you in ways that help you grow in the ways you want to grow.
There are three steps to this exercise:
1. THE GROWTH LIST
The first list you are going to make is your high-level Growth List.
Do you want to be smarter, kinder, make more money, hire more employees, grow your customer base?
What kind of person do you want to be in your Vision for the world?
Most importantly, what kind of person do you want to be that you're not fully being now?
All is fair game for list #1.
Keep this list to 8-10 high level items, for clarity.
2. THE RESISTANCE LIST
Next Make Three Columns for the Resistance List:
Constructive Resistance
Easy Ways Out (Destructive)
Active Resistance (Destructive)
Think of people, activities, and any other aspects of your environment that offer Resistance.
Every item on the list should be something or someone with whom you engage at least semi-regularly, so that they have an impact on your growth.
Add each of these to one list.
This is how you categorize each person, place, or thing that offers Resistance:
Does the Resistance SUPPORT an area of Growth?
This is CONSTRUCTIVE RESISTANCE
Does the Resistance AVOID a difficult experience?
This is an EASY WAY OUT
Does the Resistance ERODE a skill or capability you have or need?
This is ACTIVE RESISTANCE
One caveat: sometimes, you can turn Active Resistance into a Constructive one. More often than not, if you're feeling pulled to work with an active Resistor that's a great time and place to work with a Coach identifying where to prioritize and focus your efforts.
Where has Resistance made growth possible in your life?
3. THE FOCUS LIST
This is a list with one item on it.
This is the list where you focus, and take action.
You build this single-item list by matching up your most powerful CONSTRUCTIVE RESISTANCE to your Growth areas.
Draw arrow from Constructive Resistance to the areas on the Growth list that they support.
Look at the Growth list and choose ONE area for Growth that would have the most impact on all the other areas.
Now, see what Constructive Resistance(s) supports that Growth Area.
Last caveat: you may not have a match up for your top area for Growth! So you need to make that list of one from scratch. What can you CREATE to push on you and help you to grow in that high priority Growth area?
Now that you know your top priority Constructive Resistance(s), you can focus and take action around making the best use of that Resistance in your life.
As for the other items on the Destructive lists? It should be easier now to see those things and give them less or zero attention in favor of your Constructive Resistance.
There's more to these lists. On the other side lies Clarity of Purpose, Inspiring Vision, and Courageous Action. If that sounds like something you want, I invite you to reach out and book a Breakthrough call with me.
BOOKS MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE