The Puzzle of You

Three questions to clear obstacles and add fuel for your amplified impact

Illustration by award-winning illustrator James Yang https://www.jamesyang.com

“You're the average of the five people you spend time with.”
- Jim Rohan, mentor to Tony Robbins

"There’s just one way to radically change your behavior: radically change your environment."
- Dr. B.J. Fogg, Director of Stanford Persuasive Lab

Now imagine those 5 people, and all the people you know, and everything in your environment as a puzzle. Every person is a piece of the puzzle, including you. Every piece has a shape. And over time the puzzle fits, the shapes fit, and you fit inside it all.

When life is good, this is good. When your shape fits, it's good to have other shapes that help hold the good-feeling shape. They support your shape. And when you need support, these are good people and things to have in your life to help you get back into the shape you like being.

However, when you want to grow and transform this well-fitted puzzle can become an obstacle. If you change your shape then these other shapes may not, right away or at all. You will have to work harder to transform when the space for you doesn’t fit.

Examples: You want to quit smoking but your partner keeps asking you to step out for one. You want to quit drinking, but your friend group is a bar-hopping crowd. You want to build a new exciting organization, your friends and family say they are supportive but they don't get why or really understand the passion you have for a new path.

Their pieces may not change, right away or at all. Your environment may not have room for a new vision for your shape. These other pieces, intentionally or not, will try to push you back into your old shape, the shape that was comfortable for their shapes before. It may be hard to achieve your new shape, goals, and dreams.

Whether you want to drink less or build a world-changing business, you don't have to ditch your family and friends.

What you DO need to build is a formula for change.

Part of my own formula for change is: a core group of support shapes, an environment of accommodation shapes, and to remove or contain rejection shapes.

In my work as a Breakthrough Coach, I encourage my clients to build a core group of support people (shapes). There are three:

1. People shapes that SUPPORT

2. People shapes that ACCOMMODATE

3. People shapes that REJECT

Support shapes will:

• be curious and ask about your new vision for your shape

• ask how they can support you in these goals

• offer ideas and tools to help you get there

Accommodation shapes will:

• be ok with your plans

• not ask too many questions

• accept new goals and behaviors

Rejecting shapes will:

• tease or mock your plans

• cajole or tempt you back to your old ways of being

• ignore your vision and treat you as who you were before

A few notes:

First, Support shapes may be outside your core network. There may be people who aren't in your immediate orbit who would support your shape. You might consider thoughtfully adding new people shapes to your puzzle. These could be friends, mentors, or (of course) a good coach.

Second, why the heck do you need people who reject your new shape?! This is a whole separate post but true growth requires resistance. You need those naysayers to push you into a state of clarity. Think about it like exercise, adding a little weight and difficulty increases the speed of results.

So if you're looking to transform on any level, from sobriety to world-changing organization building, ask yourself:

1. Who SUPPORTS?

2. Who ACCOMMODATES?

3. Who REJECTS?

Actually write this down in three columns on a blank sheet of paper.

Write down, or have a conversation with someone about what revealed itself to you in this exercise.

Now go build a puzzle that SUPPORTS the building of you!

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PS - If you want to go much deeper with this tool, you can do that with a coach.

To find out if coaching is right for you, click here.

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