How to Kill Perfectionism

Here's one way to start small and start often.

Aug 20, 2024

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WHAT IS PERFECTIONISM?

It’s not what you think! If your image of perfectionism is someone who is confident, getting it all right, dotting i’s and crossing t’s, that ain’t it.

Perfectionism looks more like:

Lots of ideas you’re not starting
Finding reasons to stall and delay
Negative self-talk about what you’re capable of
You might also make excuses for why you or your work aren’t good enough
Avoiding things because you see all the ways it could fail

Procrastination, self-sabotage, and social and career plateaus are as much the mark of a perfectionist as that dinner you made for your family that was plated just so.

There’s libraries of work written about perfectionism and the kind of chokehold it can have on you. Not starting on your next big idea is certainly one. Procrastination, avoidance, over-critical outlooks, and negative thinking are other potential outcomes.

Psychology Today says “Perfectionism is driven primarily by internal pressures, such as the desire to avoid failure or harsh judgment.”

This can show up as an Imagination Assassin or getting to a stuck place where you can’t move forward because you don’t have perfect 20/20 vision for how things will turn out.

Good news!

Looking at these actual behavior patterns of perfectionism, there is a way out.

HOW IT WORKS

This one really hit me.

I read recently a post from a therapist (and I wish I could find the link) that perfectionism isn’t about getting things right, it’s about being hyper-vigilant about what can go wrong.

I worked with an artist who was stalling on their next work because they didn’t know exactly how archival a certain brand of paint would be. Images of deteriorating surfaces kept them from even ordering materials. They weren’t 100% sure. Certainty was not in perfect place.

And I’m not immune either.

When I launched my online course I was waiting until I had everything planned, written, and scheduled.

HOW TO DEFEAT PERFECTIONISM

START. Start small and start often.

The artist? After our session, she agreed to just order some materials. There was lots more that might go wrong and she could worry about what they might be or find out and get that certainty.

As for me. Thank goodness I have a coach who told me to get over myself, launch my program, and find the right things to write as I go.

As it turns out, starting without absolute certainty made the course better!

It allowed me to be creative and write content tailored to the individuals who signed up and not imaginary ones I didn’t know.
It allowed me to NOT stall out or get in my feelings about how long it was taking. Deadlines are great motivators.
It allowed me to have to listen. I listened to my community manager, my members, and my coaches because I was hungry for great ideas that I then added to the program.
It built trust. I was honest about how I worked, I didn’t pretend I had it all together or that it was easy. This created trust with the people who were paying for what I was creating.

THINGS GO WRONG

Did things go wrong? Absolutely?

Another great way to deal with this is to shift your mindset.

Mitigate known risks
View failure as data for learning

Tech things went wrong. Meeting times had to move. Expectations had to be reset.

To mitigate these risks/eventualities I set one clear expectation with the group, and myself: Everything is an experiment.

With this in place, we looked forward to things going wrong so we could fix them. Failure was great because we were all on board to keep tweaking and start, often.

The outcome for me?

I got better at writing, listening, and being in action, and I built truly trusting relationships. All these things have benefitted me, yes, as well as everyone involved.

All because I stopped looking for reasons why it might fail and started looking for ways to start.

SO, JUST START AND YOU WIN?

HAHA… no.

What a lot of people don’t know is that I’ve started a handful of programs over the years with varying degrees of success, and lots of failures. Lots.

I’ve closed down three different communities that became ghost towns.
I’ve pulled maybe 6 courses that I launched when they didn’t land.
I’ve painted over an almost finished painting when it just wasn’t working

HOW CAN YOU APPLY THIS?

What’s something you’re putting off or has “been on your list” for a while (that you still actually want to be doing)?
What’s a way you can start?

Here are some starting ideas/frameworks.

Do you need more information to start?
Make a list of places/people where you can find it.
Making a list is failure-proof! You can do nothing with it if you want!
Is it a big project?
What’s a step you could take that will take less than 5 minutes?
Place an order, send an email, or call for more info.
Is it a conversation with an unknown outcome?
See 1.
Or send a calendar invite with times that work with your schedule.

QUESTION

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