Embracing Chaos
Getting the f*ck over yourself to keep it moving
This week I got to meet an old friend and fabulous coach, Bryan Bayer. Over extremely healthy bowls at the very hip Dekalb Market in Brooklyn, I shared this idea with him and was surprised when he didn’t know about “the ugly stage.”
EVERY artist, from the greenest green to perfect cast-iron seasoned, knows about the "ugly stage." You may know it, if not by name—it’s when your project doesn’t look anything like the vision you held in your mind. You’ve put some time in and now it’s messy, it’s frustrating, and it feels like every bit of work is making it worse, not better.
That’s the point where so many people quit.
They quit relationships when the excitement of “new” wears off.
They quit a job when it’s not exactly how they imagined.
They quit an activity because they’re not progressing as fast as when they started.
Should we talk about jiu jitsu? Let’s. Because this happens there ALL the time. The "blue belt blues" are famous for a reason—people get far enough to see how much they’ve improved, and with that improvement they can now see how much further there is to go. The mountain feels endless. They quit.
Why do some people stop while others push through?
Here’s the truth: It’s not about avoiding the chaos. It’s about embracing it.
Chaos is essential.
Think back to moments where you took a leap to a next level, not a start, but with something you’ve been doing and you leveled up. That relationship, that business, that work you’re creating. If you’re like me, you can probably see that JUST before those leaps there was some amount of chaos.
Chaos can look like:
Uncertainty
Self-doubt
Feeling blocked
Overwhelm
Chaos is where growth happens, where creativity sharpens, and where breakthroughs are born. If your work starts to feel "ugly," it means you’re deep in the process. The challenge, nay the OPPORTUNITY is to love the ride—the turbulence, the unexpected detours, the scrapes and falls—because the act of getting back up is where you build the confidence to keep going.
And the act of getting up from unexpected bumps is where your unique creative vision comes in to play. The act of finding order, letting things go, changing direction, this IS the nature of your great work.
If you’ve been reading for some time you know about how I found my passion and calling for coaching. It came out of a BIG mess. Professionally and personally I was in a pretty deep hole, my inner critic was winning me over, and I was super stuck. And I was forced to create a new way of ordering my life. And here we are. I’m doing the most creative work of my life which fulfills me every day, every conversation.
Do you need to get more or less clinically depressed? Absolutely not.
And still, creating anything including your work and life is messy by nature. Mastery doesn’t come from avoiding the chaos but from learning how YOU find order within it. It’s about trusting that the messiness is temporary, that your vision is worth it, and that you’re the kind of person who can weather the storm and come out stronger.
What’s one messy place in your life where you’re tempted to quit?
Or, better yet, where can you lean into the ugly stage and trust that something beautiful is emerging?"
Reply and let me know. I’d love to hear where the chaos has you stuck—or inspired.
Creatively yours,
-Marc
P.S. If you’re in the middle of your own creative chaos, remember: It’s not the end. It’s the middle. You’re building something incredible—you just can’t see it yet. Keep going.
And if you need some practices to keep you grounded, you can download 8 free self-care checklists here: https://coach.marcscheff.com/links/