There was a line of people surrounding the 20x20 space where I stood with my training partner. I paced behind them, stretching, working out the nerves. From years of training, I know how to use that nervous energy, distill it into focus, and be fully present with the task at hand. I felt ready, excited, I could visualize the steady approach I would take in the next 6 minutes as I did my best to win a match against an opponent who in all likelihood had the same approach.
When the match board refreshed and I saw my name, I walked onto the mat. No hesitation, just forward movement. Nothing to do but show up.
Faces we both knew stood close by, supportive faces, cheering us both onto the mat.
He came over and gave me a hug before the ref asked us to bump fists and begin.
In the next six minutes, I did my best. I defended well, I sought multiple submission attempts, and I even tore a tendon in my knee and managed to continue.
But it wasn’t enough. When the match was over, my friend had more points. I had lost.
A teammate massaged my knee before my next match. I managed a quick submission and took silver in the competition.
I had lost, but I had gotten close.
I can still tell you all the things that went wrong. I gave up points, went for submissions that are “low percentage,” and just didn’t play the match as well as he did. I can tell you what I learned. For example, I learned more about the point system, prioritizing my positioning, and the pace at which to move from position to submission.
However, I can also tell you what I did right. I trained consistently leading up to the match. I kept up pressure without losing steam. I got the right amount of sleep and nutrition in the week leading up to and day of the match.
Like any good article on failure, I will tell you that I didn’t quit. I continued to show up and adjusted how and how focused I train. Not more intensely, in fact, but in a way more focused on strategy as well. I was able to invest more energy into things that worked and am now able to go a little bit better, and a little bit smarter.
I was reminded of this moment recently when I had a conversation with poet and creative coach Mark McGuinness. In that conversation, he shared the powerful shift he creates with his clients when they take their shot, and miss. He asks them, “Are you in the ballpark?”
He shares his own examples from his work as a coach, of creatives and entrepreneurs getting to the final round of some goal, and not getting selected. Maybe they were looking for a job, or funding, or a partnership.
No, they didn’t get the thing. Yes, they got to the final round.
This can appear a binary choice, get it or don’t, because there’s no silver medal for these kinds of unique opportunities. So the question then is how to use that experience not to start over, but to build back towards the gold.
WATCH or LISTEN to the full episode here.
Unveiling Hidden Gold
If you are reading this you have probably heard that failure is important, essential, there to teach us, etc etc. And with all of that, still what Mark said in our conversation has stuck with me.
This is what stuck: failure isn’t binary, it’s a spectrum along with success.
So, instead of mining for lessons and things to change, we mine for the gold.
Shifting Mindsets
You probably know that failure is a necessary part of the journey towards success.
You know that it’s true and still hard.
You know that shifting our mindset towards failure allows us to see the lessons and growth opportunities it provides.
And you know that when you believe in a goal you don’t quit. You assess, adjust, and try again. Hoping to reach the goal or get meaningfully closer.
But that assumes we have to walk the path, just in a different way. What was revealed to me is that we can do two things.
Celebrate. Shift our mindset from “I failed” to “look how far I got.”
Evaluate. Mine for gold. What got us there in the first place? And we can assess our success. Was it in how we did it? The path itself? Or something else?
The Spectrum of Failure: Discovering Glimmers of Gold
Failure is not a binary outcome; it's a spectrum.
Just like the podium with gold, silver, and bronze, there are degrees of success.
When you fall short of your goals but come close, you did something right. The insights and understanding that can guide you toward improvement can equally come from improving on what did work. From there, you can create a new path or set of actions.
If you are, as Mark so eloquently put it, “in the ballpark,” these failures are actually partial successes. They highlight areas of strength, where you can choose to commit more energy. They also reveal areas either for growth, and certainly areas we might discard altogether.
That new set of actions can be made up of one of two things:
Only the things that worked
The things that worked plus some new ideas
EXERCISE: Mining for Gold
By mining for insights from your partial successes, you can refine your strategies and approaches, increasing your chances of achieving your desired outcomes. It's not about starting from scratch but building upon what you have already accomplished, improving your process, and ultimately reaching your goals.
Break out your journal, and try this thought exercise.
Write down a short name for a recent “almost made it” moment.
E.g. for my example above it might be “Jiu jitsu competition.”Write down the thing you missed.
E.g. “Gold medal.”Write down where you landed.
E.g. “silver medal” or “on the nomination list” or “in the room pitching.”
Write down the things you should have done differently.
E.g. “Asked for more training on strategies in this new environment.”Now, write down all the things that got you “almost there.”
E.g. consistent training, prioritizing safety, comp week rest, comp week nutritionFinally, write down your adjusted formula for success based on the things you did right.
E.g.Add a training day during the week, convert 1-2 days into lower-intensity for balance.
Tap out earlier than usual to protect joints, even and especially with lower belts.
Earlier bedtime as a rule, not just on competition weeks
Create a new morning meal that optimizes for energy in morning training
Unveiling the Full Potential
Failure and success live on a spectrum.
When we identify and use our success formulas as a foundation for new ones, we not only increase the chances of success, we create new heights for what is possible.
And with that, I’ll see you on the mats.
YOU DON’T NEED A COACH!
If you’re like most of my clients, you are motivated, successful, maybe even creative.
You have a plan and you don’t need a coach to get it done.
You will, however, get it done faster with the support of a coach who truly listens, challenges, calls you on your BS, and calls forth your most aligned and inspired self.
In a discovery call, we reveal a glimpse of that potential future. Book one today.